Freeing the Traumatized Mind
By Karin Friedemann, TMO
When looking at the huge death toll and physical destruction taking place in Palestine, Syria, Iraq, and elsewhere, the average person can acknowledge that abuse is taking place. However, the general world population seems to be under some kind of spell or confusion making it impossible for the people who are supposed to be in charge to stop the abuses from occurring. This leaves it up to the victims to rectify the situation.
Perhaps the Muslim world could gain some insight as to how to proceed by looking at victims of domestic abuse and exploring the emotional realms in which the abuser leaves thorns preventing life from going forward in a smooth manner. If ongoing conflict and negativity have become habitual, as in Israel vs. Palestine, this may imply the abuse was caused not by personal, political or economic circumstance – but by the narcissistic personality. The narcissist literally believes himself to be more worthy than other people.
To a person without a highly developed conscience, others exist only to mirror positive images of themselves. If you mention feeling hurt by their actions, their instant response will be to feel indignant – not concerned for your discomfort. They will become enraged that your stated view of them is less than perfect. This psychological profile explains why mentioning what Israel did makes you an â€œanti-Semite.â€
A narcissist does not seek out relationships in order to engage in personal sharing or free trade. They literally do not possess that emotional capacity. Other people exist only to provide their â€œNarcissistic Supply,â€ whether itâ€™s financial funding or admiration, or else ongoing personal attention thus validation in the form of back and forth hostilities.
An empathic person cannot even imagine entering a relationship without the sincere goal of sharing.â€One must first learn to recognize that psychic abuse is indeed taking place in order to stop further psychic attacks. In order to get our souls back and to protect ourselves from further psychic soul intrusion, we must invoke powerful spiritual tools,â€ writes Kaleah LaRoche, author of â€œSpiritual Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse.â€
â€œThe psychic cord, or invisible energy stream, between you and the narcissist is very real! It is the continuation of this psychic energy stream after the relationship has ended that keeps you engaged with that person.â€
This â€œpsychic cordâ€ when viewed in political terms has been referred to as â€œthe colonial mindset.â€ Entire human societies have struggled throughout history with the problem of narcissistic abuse from populations who had a misguided sense of entitlement. The Stages of Healing available to the domestically abused can also be applied to political situations affecting populations traumatized by narcissistic abuse.
The most difficult, first step is to realize the reality of evil, politely described as personal limitations. Our decades long attempts to negotiate with the oppressor have failed. Why? We cannot blame ourselves or Hamas. The problem lies in the mind of the aggressor. He has some kind of inability to comprehend you as human.
â€œHe doesnâ€™t have the inner capacity to care about you or your needs. Your needs are of no concern to him. He is on a one-sided quest to get what he wants and you are simply a tool to help him get it… There is truly a dark force at work in the unconscious reality of the narcissist,â€ writes LaRoche.
A sensitive person could be left quite traumatized by a human interaction that was not based on returning given respect. â€œThere is a psychic intrusion into the world of those intimately involved with the narcissist.â€
â€œNarcissism effects the victim on a very deep soul level. It is a type of â€œsoul rapeâ€ that leaves the victim feeling very violated on many levels.â€
The first step forward towards healing for those wronged is to forgive themselves for not recognizing that they were being lied to and betrayed by someone who wasnâ€™t thinking of them in terms of a peaceful and respectful coexistence.
â€œIf we donâ€™t understand narcissism or know what to look for how can we know if we are being conned? writes LaRoche.
â€œOn the most part we want to believe the best about people. We want to believe that everybody pretty much wants what we want; love, caring, nurturing, respect and honesty. Our minds have difficulty comprehending the psychopathic or narcissistic reality. It is a reality so far from our own that we cannot conceive of it. The reality of a narcissist is twisted, distorted and confused. But we cannot see this in the beginning.
â€œThe goal is to get yourself back! Your Life-force doesnâ€™t and never did belong to the narcissist in your life! Your life-force energy belongs to you! If you donâ€™t work hard to cut the psychic chords between you and your abuser, the recovery process can drag on for a very long time.â€
Naturally, those whose lives have been destroyed will be feeling a deep sense of violation. Healing can only begin when the violator is no longer the center of your life.
Alexander Burgemeester mentions in â€œVictims of NPD Relationships: Stages of Recoveryâ€ that there is a specific process an abused person has to go through in order to be free from being constantly attacked.
The first stage of recovery is when you realize he is not your friend. It has just dawned on you that youâ€™ve been in a relationship with someone who has no empathy. You are exhausted and tired of living in fear. Researching and networking will empower you.
An undervalued yet very important stage of healing from injustice is the Anger Stage: You are angry what has been done to you but also at yourself for letting this happen to you and your family.
The Affirmative Action Stage is when you begin to effectively make life decisions. This is when you learn how to protect yourself. This is a time of great upheaval. The narcissist will fight you tooth and nail to win and will be very vicious at this stage.
The Mirroring Stage is when you mirror the narcissistâ€™s behavior back at them, effectively scaring them off. Counter-threatening – involving the Court – is the mode of action most recommended for women involved in domestic disputes. Sometimes it takes many instances of â€œmirroringâ€ before the stubborn narcissist finally â€œgets itâ€ that the relationship is over.
The final stage of healing from oppression is a stage of realizing that there was nothing you could have done to prevent the nightmare that you just lived through. You start looking working toward your new future and close the door on the narcissist.