Saturday, August 05, 2006â€”Residents of Baghdad are systematically being pushed out of the city. Some families are waking up to find a Klashnikov bullet and a letter in an envelope with the words â€œLeave your area or else.â€ The culprits behind these attacks and threats are Sadrâ€™s followers- Mahdi Army. Itâ€™s general knowledge, although no one dares say it out loud. In the last month weâ€™ve had two different families staying with us in our house, after having to leave their neighborhoods due to death threats and attacks. Itâ€™s not just Sunnisâ€”itâ€™s Shi’a, Arabs, Kurdsâ€”most of the middle-class areas are being targeted by militias.
Other areas are being overrun by armed Islamists. The Americans have absolutely no control in these areas. Or maybe they simply donâ€™t want to control the areas because when thereâ€™s a clash between Sadrâ€™s militia and another militia in a residential neighborhood, they surround the area and watch things happen.
Since the beginning of July, the men in our area have been patrolling the streets. Some of them patrol the rooftops and others sit quietly by the homemade road blocks we have on the major roads leading into the area. You cannot in any way rely on Americans or the government. You can only hope your family and friends will remain aliveâ€”not safe, not secureâ€”just alive. Thatâ€™s good enough.
For me, June marked the first month I donâ€™t dare leave the house without a hijab, or headscarf. I donâ€™t wear a hijab usually, but itâ€™s no longer possible to drive around Baghdad without one. Itâ€™s just not a good idea. (Take note that when I say â€˜driveâ€™ I actually mean â€˜sit in the back seat of the carâ€™â€”I havenâ€™t driven for the longest time.) Going around bare-headed in a car or in the street also puts the family members with you in danger. You risk hearing something you donâ€™t want to hear and then the father or the brother or cousin or uncle canâ€™t just sit by and let it happen. I havenâ€™t driven for the longest time. If youâ€™re a female, you risk being attacked.
I look at my older clothesâ€”the jeans and t-shirts and colorful skirtsâ€”and itâ€™s like Iâ€™m studying a wardrobe from another country, another lifetime. There was a time, a couple of years ago, when you could more or less wear what you wanted if you werenâ€™t going to a public place. If you were going to a friends or relatives house, you could wear trousers and a shirt, or jeans, something you wouldnâ€™t ordinarily wear. We donâ€™t do that anymore because thereâ€™s always that risk of getting stopped in the car and checked by one militia or another.
There are no laws that say we have to wear a hijab (yet), but there are the men in head-to-toe black and the turbans, the extremists and fanatics who were liberated by the occupation, and at some point, you tire of the defiance. You no longer want to be seen. I feel like the black or white scarf I fling haphazardly on my head as I walk out the door makes me invisible to a certain degree- itâ€™s easier to blend in with the masses shrouded in black. If youâ€™re a female, you donâ€™t want the attentionâ€”you donâ€™t want it from Iraqi police, you donâ€™t want it from the black-clad militia man, you donâ€™t want it from the American soldier. You donâ€™t want to be noticed or seen.
I have nothing against the hijab, of course, as long as it is being worn by choice. Many of my relatives and friends wear a headscarf. Most of them began wearing it after the war. It started out as a way to avoid trouble and undue attention, and now they just keep it on because it makes no sense to take it off. What is happening to the country?
I realized how common it had become only in mid-July when M., a childhood friend, came to say goodbye before leaving the country. She walked into the house, complaining of the heat and the roads, her brother following closely behind. It took me to the end of the visit for the peculiarity of the situation to hit me. She was getting ready to leave before the sun set, and she picked up the beige headscarf folded neatly by her side. As she told me about one of her neighbors being shot, she opened up the scarf with a flourish, set it on her head like a pro, and pinned it snuggly under her chin with the precision of a seasoned hijab-wearer. All this without a mirror- like she had done it a hundred times overâ€¦ Which would be fine, except that M. is Christian.
If M. can wear one quietly- so can I.
Iâ€™ve said goodbye this last month to more people than I can count. Some of the â€˜goodbyesâ€™ were hurried and furtiveâ€”the sort you say at night to the neighbor who got a death threat and is leaving at the break of dawn, quietly.
Some of the â€˜goodbyesâ€™ were emotional and long-drawn, to the relatives and friends who can no longer bear to live in a country coming apart at the seams.
Many of the â€˜goodbyesâ€™ were said stoicallyâ€”almost casuallyâ€”with a fake smile plastered on the face and the words, â€œSee you soonâ€â€¦ Only to walk out the door and want to collapse with the burden of parting with yet another loved one.
During times like these I remember a speech Bush made in 2003: One of the big achievements he claimed was the return of jubilant â€˜exiledâ€™ Iraqis to their country after the fall of Saddam. Iâ€™d like to see some numbers about the Iraqis currently outside of the country you are occupyingâ€¦ Not to mention internally displaced Iraqis abandoning their homes and cities.
I sometimes wonder if weâ€™ll ever know just how many hundreds of thousands of Iraqis left the country this bleak summer. I wonder how many of them will actually return. Where will they go? What will they do with themselves? Is it time to follow? Is it time to wash our hands of the country and try to find a stable life somewhere else? â€¢