Muslimah (V9-I26)

Dear Sisters,

Asalaam u alaikum,

This week I would like to continue the topic I wrote about last week and also expand upon it. Last week I wrote about the importance of maintaining a happy married life long after the honeymoon is over.

“And among His signs is this: He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”

Sura 30 Ayat 21

The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.

Sura 9 Ayat 71

Clearly it can be seen that husband and wife are not merely two people who have been put together to satisfy their bodily needs or to simply have children and raise them, no there is more to it. There is the element of companionship, of two people trusting each other, protecting each other, relying on each other, confiding in each other. This is what leads to a healthy and peaceful mental state, and then to a healthy living environment and subsequently to healthy and confident children.

Of then it happens unfortunately that men and women have certain fantasies or expectations that they never share before marriage and then when they get married they find that the other person does not live up to their expectations. Now one might ask whose fault is that? It is no one’s fault, as it is somewhat natural to have certain fantasies in ones mind. And it certainly is not the fault of the fated spouse who did not match up, because they were not aware of it. However the test is to accept what Allah has chosen for you.

And consort with your wives in a goodly manner for, if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something  which Allah makes a source of abundant good.}

An-Nisaa:19

Remember this goes for the husband also. Do not forget that no one is perfect in this world, every one has some aspects which may be not liked by the other. But do not focus on that, focus on the good. So if your husband likes sports a lot, just accept it because it may be that at the same time he might be really good in how he spends on you or in how well he treats your family. In the same way if a wife doesn’t know how to sew or even stitch a button it is okay because she might be the most loyal person and she might also bake the best pineapple cake you ever tasted.

So stop looking at the each other like the glass is half empty but rather like the glass if half full. Overlook the shortcomings and as long as your mate is loving, caring and loyal to you that is the most important thing.

And to emphasize what I said last week make time to spend together just the two of you. Do not say there is no time, because honestly thee is never enough time, so you have to make time just like you would for an important meeting on a business deal, or to call your family back home, or to mow trhe lawn or to help your son with his book report, the same way this should also be put on your schedule to spend time with your spouse. In the evenings in this summer take a walk every evening. Try to find a week if possible, if not then a weekend and leave the children with their grandparents and go away for the weekend. For those of you not lucky enough to have the grandparents nearby if your children old enough arrange for a sleepover for them and you both can get some time alone. But definitely make time.

Inshallah I hope I have offered some good advice, please write and tell me about the changes you made, or if you have a question that maybe I can help you with e-mail me and I will print your comments and question in my column next time. Just e-mail me at research@muslimobserver.com.

May Allah bless you all and your families with all the happiness and success in this world and the next.

9-26